


until today

by alileely



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28007655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alileely/pseuds/alileely
Summary: Loey is on the way to meet her soulmate.
Relationships: Haechan (NCT)/Loey, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Original Female Character(s), Mark Lee (NCT)/Loey, Mark Lee (NCT)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	until today

It's been two years.

Two years since she last saw those dark brown eyes staring into hers. Loey had grown up reading about blue eyes - crystal clear that it could put an entire azure sky to shame. She had heard tales of green eyes - carriers of warmth and peace, like a breath of fresh air, the faint caress of the wind on your cheek. She knew about people getting lost, sucked into the deep abyss of black eyes as if they were floating in zero gravity.

But his eyes? Oh, his eyes knocked all the wind out of her lungs, leaving her breathless.

In the sunlight, "dark brown" is no longer enough to describe them. They melted into an eclipse, and she could stare into them forever.

She could still remember the image of them, seared into her mind.

* * *

_Sh_ _e_ _sat at her desk, fingers lightly brushing the skin on her inner forearm. Inked words only she could see stared straight back at her:_

_**"Save some cake for me, won't you?"** _

_As a child, she had murmured those words to herself like a chant, repeating it as if it had no meaning but sparked her curiosity. Why did she have it written on her skin like a brand? Before she could even ask her mother, she'd shushed her in the gentle way that mothers do._

_"You can't tell anyone what's written on your arm, darling. Promise me."_

_And so, she never did. It wasn't until she was seven that her mother told her why she couldn't tell anyone._

_Everyone had them. They were the last thing that their soulmate would ever say to them. They could only see their own, however, and Loey often wondered what words haunted her mother - and if those were the words her father had said when he went to work and died in a fire._

_But she never asked. Disclosing the words would cause harm to befall on the soulmate. Still, she never asked... even after her father's death._

_After that, she whispered the words like a prayer - quietly losing it to the wind like a secret between her and the night sky. Everyone around her regarded those words as a gift. There is something so comforting about knowing that there is someone out there for you._

_But Loey had a fear: a fear of falling in love with someone, spending her entire life with him, and not hearing the words written on her skin._

_And even if she did, it brought her a sense of despair. By the context of those words, she felt so helpless, knowing she would hear those words at the moment they both least expect it... and there will be nothing they can do about it._

_She sighed and looked up. At that exact moment, the door opened and he entered the classroom._

_Mark Lee was adored by everyone. It was hard not to be endeared by him with his cute giggles, easygoing nature, and genuine and down-to-earth personality. He was absolutely charming and he had captured her heart from the first time he smiled and greeted her._

_He was laughing about something with his best friend, Lee Donghyuck. The two were inseparable and she rarely saw one without the other._

_She didn't notice she was staring until his dark brown eyes had locked with hers and her heart skipped a beat. He offered a bright smile as if he had not caught her staring at him like a stalker and waved a little. She smiled shyly for a second and looked down, feeling her cheeks heat up. She felt the wind as he walked past her to get to his seat at the back._

_She could hear Donghyuck giggling teasingly. Glancing discreetly back, she saw him elbowing Mark as they sat in their seats. What was that all about?_

_A pair of hands suddenly slammed on her desk, making her jump a bit._

_"You're such an asshole."_

_The brown-haired boy in front of her let out a triumphant chuckle before sitting in the seat in front of her._

_"I saw that," Jaemin whispered._

_"What are you talking about?"_

_He smirked lopsidedly and leaned in to whisper, "You were staring at Mark."_

_"No, I wasn't." Her cheeks felt hot._

_"It's fine, you don't have to hide it from me," Jaemin said, turning to face front as he did. "Everyone likes him."_

_"What? I don't like hi-"_

_"Spare me the denial. I can always tell when you're lying."_

_"Really? How?"_

_He shifted to look back at me and cocked his head, gesturing to something. "You're fiddling with your necklace."_

_She looked down and, sure enough, her fingers were fiddling with her silver moon necklace. She immediately let go of it and pointedly looked away. Jaemin chuckled. He knew her too well._

_"You coming to_ _Lia's_ _party?" he asked._

_"Do you think my introvert ass could survive a party?"_

_"You're not coming to my party?"_

_For the second time today, she jumped in my seat. Lia was standing beside her, pouting. She was gorgeous and Loey had always adored the natural blush just lightly dusting her cheeks._

_Quickly taking a seat beside her, Lia said, "Come on, it's my 18th birthday."_

_"And I'm just going to ruin it by going there and not talking to anyone," she tried to reason out with her._

_"No, you're not. I'd like it better if you were there. Please?"_

_Her puppy eyes sparkled at Loey and she groaned before saying, "Alright, fine."_

_Lia let out a giddy noise before she hugged her tightly. I heard the door open and Sir Chris walked into the room. Lia whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow night." Then, she got up and hurriedly moved back to her seat._

_For some reason, Loey wondered if Mark would be there. That wouldn't be a surprise. Just having him around is nice._

_Before she knew it, Loey had glanced behind her to look at him. A pair of dark brown eyes met hers for a split second before he'd turned away. Pulling out her notebook, she scribbled something down amongst the many little notes she had compiled when his eyes met hers:_

_"And if you turn away just in time, do you think that your eyes are quicker than mine?"_

* * *

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and smiled softly to herself. It was Jaemin. Tapping on the icon, Loey read his message:

"Hey, today's the day, huh? You going to see him?"

She had to pause before replying. Her breath hitched in her throat, but she was an expert at gulping it down. Slowly but surely, Loey typed up her reply and sent it to Jaemin before glancing outside the window of the cab. Out of habit, her fingers flew up to touch the sunflower hair clip that kept her hair in place.

Two years had flown by so fast. The skyscrapers flashed by her as they drove past. Blurred faces disappeared before they even registered in her mind and she found herself looking for his face in the crowds. It had been far too long since she last saw him and her human mind, flawed as it is, began to blur the details that had once been so clear to her. She sighed and leaned her head back on the seat, forcing herself to relax. She knew there was nothing to be nervous about, but her heart was in unrest.

She struggled to remember his voice. Funny how, at the moment, she was so adamant that she would never forget a single thing about him. But now, she had to summon even the simplest traces of him from wisps of smoke that bore his silhouette.

It took some time, but then, she could swear that she heard him - that bubbly laugh that cut through the air, loud and contagious, sparking in her chest.

And then, his voice began to echo in her head, louder and clearer than she'd ever remembered it, and it overwhelmed her so much that Loey had to cover her ears. A tear slipped from her eyes. She wiped it away in a rush, trying to drown out his voice. Now, she remembers why she had suppressed his memory, why she had allowed him to fade.

But now, she had to face the reality. Where she was going, she would have to remember.

So, she did.

* * *

_Loud music. Crowded spaces. The pungent smell of alcohol. Hook-ups happening on every couch. Couples making out in dark corners. An entire cacophony of screams, howls, shrieks, and other drunk human sounds._

_This was exactly why Loey hated parties. Lia lived in a luxurious mansion-like house, much like a princess. It was the kind of place you would expect magic to happen, and imagine fancy balls to take place, where Juliet would meet Romeo and Cinderella would dance with Prince Charming before midnight strikes. But whenever her parents left the country on business trips, the house would be home to rowdy, rambunctious high school parties. There wasn't any... magical first meeting between a boy and a girl, no elegant dinners and enigmatic masquerades. Just... drunk kids, bottles of alcohol, and canoodling couples_ — _so unlike the mansion's refined exterior._

_As soon as Loey stepped in, she wanted to step right back out. And she was just about to do so until she turned to her side and realized that Jaemin was gone._

_"Jaem? Jaem!"_

_She called out to her cousin a few times, but only the music booming loudly from the speakers answered her along with screams of joy and celebration. Before she could decide what to do, she was pushed into the crowd. Pressed between people, the movement of the crowd drifted her towards the living room. A drunk Lia stumbled towards her._

_"Heeeeeeeyyy~" she cooed, holding up a bottle in her hand. Upon reaching Loey, the intoxicated girl draped herself over her shoulders and spoke in a drunken drawl, "I'm so glad you made it! I thought you wouldn't come..."_

_"Well, I'm here!" Loey said, trying to sound perky._

_"Have you tried the punch?" Lia lazily drawled with eyes lidded. "It's amazing!"_

_"Yeah, I... I think I'll pass." Loey tried to hold up Lia's frail body, but as she stumbled further into her, the harder it got._

_"Lia!"_

_Loey turned towards the male voice. Heading in our direction was (an obviously tipsy, judging from his flushed face) Yeonjun, Lia's on-and-off boyfriend. He spared her a smile as he helped get Lia off of her, placing her arm around his shoulder._

_"She's had a little too much to drink," he smiled apologetically._

_"It's fine," she said, waving it off. "You seem like you had a little too much to drink yourself."_

_Chuckling, he said, "Have you had anything to drink? There's punch, some beer, and tacos and chips in the kitchen. I can get you some if you want."_

_"No, actually, I... I was just going to find Jaemin."_

_"Let me guess. Disappeared the second you arrived at the party."_

_She laughed at that. As Yeonjun turned his attention to Lia and gave her a kiss on the forehead, she turned away and slowly walked off. It wasn't that hard to leave unnoticed given that they're surrounded by throngs of people. There was so little space to walk in that she had to nudge a couple of people to get past them._

_But with the dim lights in this packed mansion, she lost hope at finding Jaemin pretty quickly. Since she'd been in Lia's house many time before, having been friends with her since we were kids, she knew how to navigate through it._

_Finding the staircase, she gently made her way up, almost bumping into a giggling couple who ran up past her. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, she breathed out a relieved sigh._

_Compared to downstairs, the second floor was like a whole different dimension. The music from downstairs reverberated faintly through the walls, making them sound muffled. There were a lot of rooms on the second floor, all closed and probably locked. Loey made her way purposefully through the winding hallways._

_Had she seen Mark?_

_The thought suddenly entered her mind. She shook it off. Her fluttering heart whenever she saw him scared her. She glanced at the words on her inner forearm._

**_"Save some cake for me, won't you?"_ **

_She needed to tread carefully. She didn't want to make a mistake in choosing who to spend her time with and who to give her love to. She only had one life to live, and she didn't want her one and only fear to come true._

_Finally, she arrived at her destination._

_Stepping out onto the balcony, she was greeted by a welcome shock of cold air. She closed her eyes, breathing in the fresh evening air. It felt refreshing after being inside the mansion where it reeked of alcohol. Walking up on the balustrade, she perched her elbows on it and looked out at the night sky. The loud party sounds seemed so distant now._

_She wondered if her soulmate was staring at the same evening sky. Or perhaps he was on the other side of the world? Maybe the rays of the sun were just starting to crack in the horizon, or maybe it was already a scorching hot noon._

_"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?"_

_The unexpected voice gave her a start. Eyes wide, she looked down at the garden, where a solitary figure stood, looking up at her. A dorky smile appeared on his face._

_"Sorry, it sounded like a clever thing to say."_

_Loey tried to stop herself from smiling, but her cheeks turned red at the failed attempt and a smile broke across her lips. Amused, she replied, "No, it... it was."_

_His eyes seemed to sparkle at that, and a larger smile spread across his face. Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he seemed to hesitate before finally saying, "Hey, do you... wanna keep me company out here? Because... it's pretty lonely."_

_"Why aren't you at the party?" she asked curiously._

_Shrugging, he replied, "Nah, it's too much for me. It's more peaceful out here."_

_"Why did you go to the party in the first place?"_

_He let out an amused chuckle. "You ask a lot of questions. Are you coming down or what?"_

_She laughed lightly and said, "Yeah, wait up."_

_As she turned around and walked back the way she came, her heartbeat started to slow down and her lungs began to clear. She couldn't believe that she was able to talk to_ _the_ _Mark Lee so casually. Why had he even paid her any attention? He wasn't a snob, but... everything that just happened seemed so surreal._

_Stepping out into the garden, she looked around in confusion. There was only one balcony, and she was looking up at it. But there was no Mark Lee to be found._

**_"AAAAAHHHHH!!!"_ **

_Loey let out a scream when someone grabbed her arms from behind, securing her movement. One of his hands was formed into a gun as he held it against her temple. Once she had calmed down and her frantic heartbeat returned to normal, she could hear the smile on Mark's face as he said, "You're under arrest."_

_Letting out a sigh, she elbowed Mark lightly and broke free from his grasp, turning to face him. Despite herself, a smile broke out on her face. "For what?"_

_Shrugging, Mark said, "I don't know. Stealing my heart?"_

_Her heart jumped to her throat upon hearing those words and she stared at him, speechless. She was only like that for a short time, but it was enough for him to notice. Giggling lightly, he spoke, "I was joking, sorry."_

_Shaking her head, Loey said, "Yeah, I know that."_

_Mark seemed like he wanted to say something else, but he just pushed his hands into his pocket and started walking. She followed him and, as they sat on a bench in the garden, she asked, "So, why did you talk to me so suddenly?"_

_"What? Do I seem like a snob?"_

_"No, no, you're a pretty nice guy," Loey said, making him chuckle. "It's just... I don't know. We don't really talk often, do we?"_

_"That's because you're always with your cousin as well as Lia and Yeonjun."_

_"What do they have to do with it?"_

_"It's intimidating. How am I supposed to talk to you when they seem like guards?"_

_"They're not intimidating. Yeonjun, maybe. But Lia? All she does is be cute and giggle all the time. And Jaemin? Are you kidding me? The only thing scary about him is how quickly he can change from being sickeningly cute and irritatingly flirty. If anyone's intimidating, it's Donghyuck."_

_Mark's eyes widened and he laughed. "Donghyuck? Intimidating?"_

_"Yeah," Loey said. "I mean, you two are practically joined at the hip. You're so close that your friendship can be intimidating a bit."_

_"Well... yeah, I guess. We've been friends for so long. I almost think we're soulmates."_

_They went quiet at that word. Or maybe Loey went quiet. It was such a delicate topic for her, but he brought it up so casually. "Doesn't that scare you?"_

_"Doesn't what scare me?"_

_"The... thought of having soulmates," she clarified. She glanced at his inner forearm. She couldn't see anything, but she knew his eyes saw differently. She knew there were words there that only he could read, but she knew better than to ask about it._

_"Isn't that supposed to be a comforting thought? Knowing there's certainly someone for you out there. You don't have to spend your whole life wondering."_

_"Yeah, but... what if... you fall in love with someone, marry them, build a home and have kids with them... only to never hear_ **_those_ ** _words coming from them?"_

_At that, Mark glanced at his inner forearm. "I guess... I never thought about that."_

_"Yeah, it's... a bit pessimistic, I know. And terrifying."_

_They fell into a thoughtful silence. Loey was worried that she might've scared Mark away with all this negative talk about soulmates when it was supposed to be a magical thing._

_"But I'd like that more, to be honest."_

_Turning to him, she stared at him in confusion for a few seconds. "Like what more?"_

_Taking a deep breath, Mark explained, "Falling in love with someone and never hearing those words. It's better than spending your whole life in fear and doubt of everyone who loves you, and everyone you fall in love with, that you end up missing your soulmate."_

_"I... I guess that's true..."_

_Turning to her, Mark smiled gently. Warmth spread throughout her body as he said in a soft voice, "I get it, though. I mean, we all want to find our soulmate, right?"_

_Loey had to look away to not get blinded by the sparkle in Mark's eyes._

_"I guess loving is always a risk."_

_"Would you take it?"_

_Her eyes turned back to him at that question, like they were always meant to have him reflected in them. And as she stared into his ecliptic brown eyes, she wondered if they were also meant to reflect her. Call it wishful thinking, but boy, did she wish._

_"I'm not sure. Would you?"_

_The way he stared so deeply into her eyes sent shivers down her spine._

_"In a heartbeat."_

* * *

She got off a good five blocks away from their meeting place. It was an inefficient use of her time, she knew. But she needed a long walk to clear her head and prepare herself. Looking at her watch, she saw that it was 3:15 PM.

She still had time.

* * *

_For some reason, after that, Mark gained the courage to openly approach her and talk to her at school. The first time it happened, it had shocked Jaemin and Donghyuck. Upon entering the classroom, Mark's face instantly brightened upon seeing Loey and he waved at her, causing her to shyly wave back. Blushing, she kept her head down as Jaemin, who was sitting in front of her, and Donghyuck, who was standing beside Mark, looked back and forth between them, wide-eyed and stunned._

_It didn't stop there, though. A perplexed Donghyuck had been dragged to having lunch with Loey, Jaemin, Lia and Yeonjun by Mark, who had immediately approached them when their Statistics class was dismissed._

_But as weeks passed by, it quickly became the new norm for them. Day by day, Loey's feelings for Mark grew until she was unable to reduce it into a mere crush. And who could blame her? He had a laugh that could make flowers bloom, eyes that put the galaxy to shame, a smile that could light up the darkest night, and a heart that bled kindness._

_But as much as she acknowledged her feelings, she grappled with her crippling fear of falling in love with the wrong person._

_Every time she found herself staring at Mark, she would always catch herself looking at her inner forearm, reading those cursed words over and over again. The words that were supposed to be a source of comfort had turned into something dreadful_ — _a prison from which she couldn't break free. It terrified her how strong her feelings were for him, and how she would never be able to know for certain if he would ever say_ ** _those_** _words to her._

_That was exactly what she was thinking as she sat in the classroom that was empty, save for her, Jaemin and Mark. Apparently, Mark had asked Jaemin to tutor him for their test in Statistics on Thursday, although Loey had no idea why since Jaemin barely passed the subject._

_She tried to act busy, scrolling through her phone as she sat on a chair beside them, but she could hear Mark's little giggles whenever Jaemin got an answer wrong. That made her heart do funny things. It also amused her how the situation had turned around_ — _Mark ended up being the one to tutor Jaemin instead, which made her wonder why Mark even asked to be tutored in the first place since he seemed to know everything anyway._

_"Alright, hold up, I need to use the bathroom."_

_A chair slid across the floor and Loey turned to see Mark getting up. Jaemin groaned and said, "Can't we just wrap this up?"_

_"No, stay there," Mark said, pointing to him as he passed Loey in exiting the room._

_Turning to Jaemin, Loey joked, "So, who's tutoring who?"_

_Jaemin, who had perched his elbow on the desk in front of him and placed his chin on top of his hand, slowly turned to me with a look of disbelief. His arm slowly lowering, Loey watched him in confusion as he asked, "You really don't know, do you?"_

_Frowning, she asked, "Know what?"_

_At that, Jaemin stood up and walked towards her with carefully measured steps. He was staring so intensely at her that it made Loey lean back. Upon reaching her, Jaemin lowered himself so his face was level with hers._

_"He's using me so he can spend time with you."_

_Baffled, Loey said, "... What?"_

_Jaemin straightened up with a groan. "Really, how dense can you both be?"_

_Letting out an exasperated sigh, he faced Loey squarely and said, as if talking to a child, "Listen to me very carefully. Mark. Is. Using. Me. As. An. Excuse. To. Spend. Time. With. You."_

_Dumbfounded, Loey sat there, staring up at Jaemin, mouth agape._

_After exactly 12 seconds, she spoke._

_"Why the fuck would you tell me that?! Now, I'm going to act like a fucking stick!"_

_At that exact moment, a confused Mark entered the room. He looked at the two cousins, and Jaemin clapped his hands together, saying, "Okay, you know what? That's all for today. Come on, we're going home."_

_"Wait, but what about Stat_ — _"_

_"I can tutor you tomorrow. Jeno and I agreed to hang out today, so can you do me a favor and walk Loey home? That would be great."_

_"What? Jaemin, what are you_ — _"_

_"Bye."_

_And with that, Jaemin swiftly grabbed his backpack and walked out of the door, leaving Mark and Loey in stunned silence. Mark turned to the equally shocked girl._

_"What just happened?"_

_"I'm not quite sure either."_

_A beat passed before Mark sighed and finally moved from his spot. Grabbing his stuff, he slung his backpack over one shoulder and walked over to Loey, who sat unmoving. She looked up at him in confusion and asked, "What?"_

_He raised his eyebrows matter-of-factly. "Get up. I'm walking you home."_

_Letting out a nervous chuckle, heart thumping in her chest, Loey said, "You know you don't have to do that, right? I've walked home alone lots of times."_

_"Not today."_

_At that, Loey could only stare at him, her mouth hanging open as she attempted to say something but gave up halfway through._

_A hearty laugh escaped from Mark's lips, causing her to shut her mouth as a blush spread across her cheeks. She tried to look at anything_ — _the blackboard, the cabinet at the back of the room, the chalk on the teacher's desk, the vandalism on the desk of the chair she was sitting on. Just... anything that wasn't Mark's beautiful eyes._

_"Tell you what. How about I treat you to some ice cream in exchange for letting me walk you home? How does that sound?"_

_Loey couldn't help the soft laughter that escaped her._

_"You're probably the only person I know who would go out of his way to bribe someone to let you walk them home."_

_Shrugging, he said, "It's worth seeing you get home safely."_

_And in that short span of time between Mark saying that and offering his hand to her, she knew that she wouldn't rather entrust her safety to anyone else._

_She was sold._

* * *

_"I thought we said ice cream."_

_"No,_ you _said ice cream. I wanted street food. You never asked."_

_As he put a whole kwek-kwek in his mouth, he nodded. Chewing for a bit, he responded, "Alright, fair enough. Next time, I'll ask."_

_"Jaemin will be the one walking me home next time."_

_"'You sure about that?" Mark teased, causing Loey to elbow him softly. He laughed._

_"Do you want another isaw?" he asked, reaching for the breaded isaw. Smiling widely, Loey nodded, making Mark smile, too. Grabbing five more, he added them to their small paper plate._

_"If I could eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would be this."_

_Mark frowned at Loey and remarked, "Well, that's unhealthy, don't you think?"_

_"Yeah, but it's delicious! It goes well with and without rice, too," Loey said, munching happily on the breaded isaw. Mark unintentionally stared at her, a smile slowly forming on his face._

_After their little isaw date (although no one ever said it was a date but they both liked to think it was), Mark proceeded to walk her home. As usual, they talked about the usual things_ — _and by that, it meant things they usually never shared with anyone else but each other. They'd become home to each other's stories, owning little pieces of each other's souls. And Loey started to think: if that's not a soulmate, then what is?_

_Upon stopping in front of her home, they both seemed to hesitate._

_"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Loey smiled, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and her mind that could only think Mark, Mark, Mark._

_But as she turned around, Mark spoke, "Hey."_

_Loey saw him fidget, placing his hands in his pockets then taking them out then putting them back in. He couldn't seem to sit still, and she felt both dread and excitement at what he was going to say next._

_"I like you."_

_Loey stood there unmoving with her eyes as wide as saucers. The words echoed inside her head without meaning, like the way you discover a new word and repeat it without knowing what it is or what it means. That's what those three words felt like: words she had only heard for the first time and could not fully comprehend._

_"I mean, it's fine if you don't feel the same way," Mark suddenly backtracked. "It's fine, really. I just... I know how serious you are about soulmates and I get it if you don't want to risk it with me, so... You don't have to say anything."_

_She could see his shoulders sag, his eyes nailed to the ground as if he couldn't bear to look at her. And she wanted to say something. But what?_

_Seeing that she wasn't going to respond anytime soon, Mark smiled at her_ — _forcefully, might she add, out of a desire to make her feel a little less guilty. Before walking away, he said softly, "Don't think about it too much, okay? You're not obligated to feel the same."_

 _Obligated? How could she ever feel obligated when she had liked him right from the very start? Despite her heart's warnings and the inked words on her arm, Loey_ — _as much as she had told herself to act wisely, don't fall in love unless you're certain_ — _had allowed herself to fall deeper in love with Mark Lee. And who could blame her?_

 _She wasn't stupid. Mark always looked at each other with kind eyes, but when he turned those starry eyes on her, she felt like she held all the secrets of the universe. And he always spoke with such kindness, but it wasn't really in the way he spoke to her as to how he spoke_ ** _about_** _her_ — _as if he was talking about someone you find only once in a lifetime. And whenever he touched her shoulder, her arm, her hand_ — _she wondered if that was how gentle and lovingly the universe had inked those fateful words on her skin._

_And then, she realized that Mark was right. They could never be certain unless they hear those words. And when they do, it'll be too late. The only thing they could do was take the risk. Fall in love, and love unapologetically._

_"Mark!"_

_When he turned around to look at her, with expectant eyes and a mouth adorably shaped into an O, she knew she was making the right choice. Because not a single day counted before Mark. Not a single day counted after him, either. All they really had was today. And if tomorrow was unpromised, then s_ _he would repeat to herself every day:_

_I'll love you until today._

* * *

Loey stopped to admire the little coffee shop along the way.

She wasn't really crazy about coffee. At least, not like Jaemin was. But today, she was glad to take the opportunity to prolong her meeting with him. Ever since they became separated two years ago, she had developed the habit of becoming fascinated by the simplest of things to distract herself from thinking of him.

Placing an order for a caramel macchiato and a slice of red velvet cake, she took a seat by the window and fixed her attention on the people passing by. Another attempt to distract herself from thinking about him.

When her order came, she took the lid off of the cup of coffee and blew on the steam that rose from it. She never liked hot drinks, but she had ordered one now so that she would have to wait for it to cool down, effectively prolonging her stay. The delay calmed her unsettled heart, and she sighed wistfully as she gazed out the window.

She often wondered how everything ended this way. Two years ago, neither of them had any idea that things would turn out like this.

* * *

_"_ _What are you doing here?"_

_Quickly, Loey wiped her tears before turning around to look at the person behind her. She could see his figure in the doorway, silhouetted against the soft orange light of the setting sun coming in through the windows. He was about to reach for the light switch, but she spoke, "Don't turn it on. It's more comfortable like this."_

_His arm slowly went down and he began to take tentative steps towards her. Sitting on the empty seat beside her, he asked, "So, what's wrong?"_

_Sniffling, she replied, "I can't tell you. You'll tell Mark."_

_Donghyuck scoffed._

_"Please. You don't think I'm trustworthy?"_

_"Well, if you had to pick between me and your best friend, I think I know who you'd pick."_

_A sigh escaped him before he told her matter-of-factly, "This is about that fight you had yesterday, isn't it?"_

_A long silence followed. He had his answer._

_After two months, Loey and Mark had their first fight. And Loey had no one to blame but herself. Mark had continuously proven his loyalty to her, not even sparing a single glance at all the other girls who were so obviously crushing on him. But Loey had to go and make a big fuss over Mark being paired up with the prettiest girl in class, and she had let jealousy get the best of her._

_"It's my fault. But somehow, I can't apologize for it," she said regretfully._

_"You can't or you don't want to?" Donghyuck asked. "There's a difference from being scared and being prideful, you know."_

_It scared her sometimes_ — _how observant Donghyuck was, and how he was always right._

_"I should apologize, huh?"_

_"Mark loves you," Donghyuck said, shocking her. "And it's fine to get jealous. That probably means you don't want to lose him, right? But don't forget to trust him. Mark's not the type to cheat, and he would definitely not cheat on you. Trust me."_

* * *

_She knew she should apologize. She had stayed up all night, thinking about what to say and reflecting on her actions. But the next day, as she stared at Mark's, she couldn't bring herself to approach him. He hadn't even spared her a glance when he entered the classroom, and she could just feel his anger towards her._

_Yesterday, it was pride that held her back. Today, it was fear._

_"You haven't talked to him yet," a voice behind her said. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. His voice was truly unlike any other, and he had been seated behind her after their adviser changed the seating arrangement last month._

_"How do you know?" she asked, figuring Mark had told him._

_But Donghyuck answered, "Well, for one, he's not attached to your hip like he usually is. I swear, he feels like the world is going to end if he's not beside you. Second, you have an uneasy grimace on your face. Kind of a telltale sign of an unresolved argument, isn't it?"_

_Yet again, Donghyuck had proven how scarily observant he was. She let out a sigh and said, "He's angry at me. I can feel it."_

_"Well, of course he is," Donghyuck answered. "You basically accused him of cheating."_

_She placed her head in her hands, overcome with regret. "What should I do? What if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? What if he doesn't like me anymore because of what I did? What if I can't fix this anymore? What if he breaks up with me?"_

_"Loey," Donghyuck said firmly, "if Mark's feelings for you was as fragile as that, he would have ditched you when he found out that you don't like Frank Ocean."_

_Loey couldn't answer. She was busy drowning in her worries and fears._

_Suddenly, there was a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she was surprised when Donghyuck began to lean in. The boy was flirty, sure, but he had never pulled anything like this on her since she was dating his best friend. But despite her wide eyes, Donghyuck leaned in closer to her ear and whispered, "Shhh, just lend me your ear for a sec."_

_Before she could ask what he was doing, she felt another tap on her other shoulder. Turning around, she saw Mark with an emotionless look on his face._

_"Can I borrow her for a while?"_

_Donghyuck, a mischievous grin on his stupid face, leaned back in his seat and said, "Sure, sure, go ahead. She's all yours."_

_Mark pulled his hand away and gestured for Loey to follow him before turning around and heading out. Glancing back at Donghyuck, Loey smiled and nodded gratefully as he shot her a triumphant smirk and a quick wink._

_They sat against the wall just outside their classroom, both of them silent._

_"I'm sorry," Loey finally said._

_"I know. I'm sorry, too. I lost my cool," Mark said. Messing his hair, he groaned. "I can't believe I got jealous of Donghyuck. That sneaky bastard. He probably did that because he knew I would get jealous. He's too smart for his own good."_

_As Loey's chuckles died down, she placed a hand over Mark's._

_"Hey, I'm really sorry. I should've just trusted you. Besides, it's not your fault that you got paired with Mina," she said softly. At that, Mark patted her head and placed a kiss on her forehead. And then, he placed an arm around her and pulled her closer to his side._

_"This is cool, too," he said thoughtfully. "I mean, it's nice that we're fighting instead of keeping our emotions to ourselves. That means we trust each other with our feelings, right?"_

_Smiling, Loey said, "Yeah, I guess so."_

* * *

Loey smiled fondly at the memory.

Wrapping her fingers around her cup, which had now turned lukewarm, she took a careful sip and sighed in satisfaction. She hadn't felt such comfort, such warmth in a while. The last time was three years ago on a particularly festive New Year's Eve.

* * *

_College. It was a bitch._

_But her single ray of hope was Mark. Mark, who was always by her side. Mark, who brought her cheeseburgers and fries before every report because he knew how nervous she could get. Mark, who stayed up late with her whenever she was reviewing. Mark, who would always play with her hair and sing her softly to sleep whenever insomnia hits._

_They had been together for four years now. And hopefully, they would be able to graduate together soon. They had so many plans for their future._

_But today, they put all those on hold as they celebrated the coming of a new year. Loey was looking forward to spending this year with him, like she did every year since he had come into her life. The fear of uncertainty had long left her, leaving only the certainty of her feelings for Mark. It had been a long time since she had paid any mind to the inked words on her arm. It didn't really feel like she needed to._

_"Hey, I'll go get us some food. Want anything?" Mark asked, his hand squeezing hers gently as they walked through the crowd. Their university was holding a New Year's fair on campus, and they had decided to spend the New Year there._

_"Corndog," Loey answered almost immediately. She had been craving it ever since they arrived at the fair. After all, what's a fair without its staple food, right?_

_"Alright, stay here," Mark said, leaving her at a bench under a tall tree in the park._

_As she sat alone, her mind drifted to her friends. Jaemin had arrived at the fair with them, but as usual, they lost him in the crowd almost immediately. Loey didn't doubt that he was having the time of his life, though. She wondered when Lia and Yeonjun would arrive. Although they broke up recently, they had made the decision to remain friends. While both of them had moved to far more prestigious universities, they had agreed to visit them at the fair. And she was quite sure that Donghyuck was somewhere in this packed crowd. After all, he went to the same university as them and he could never resist a good excuse to party._

_"Being alone on New Year's Eve should be a crime."_

_Speak of the Devil._

_Loey smiled as she turned around to Donghyuck, who walked towards her and sat beside her on the bench. "Mark went off to buy food?"_

_"Yup. Your latest fling ghost you?"_

_"Nah, I ghosted her," Donghyuck said. "She was starting to talk about moving in together after we graduate and getting puppies. I met her last week!"_

_She laughed at that. Throughout his four years in college, Donghyuck had a lot of flings that never really lasted more than a week. The longest was probably three weeks, and she and Mark almost thought they were getting serious until the girl revealed that she had a boyfriend overseas. That was met with lots of drunken nights and binge-eating ice cream._

_"Why did he leave you alone at 11:48 PM?" Donghyuck asked, glancing at his watch. "Should've just sat in some dark corner, made out until 11:59, then enjoyed the fireworks at midnight. And then, he could've gone to get food."_

_"Just because that's something you would do doesn't mean we would do it."_

_Donghyuck made a gagging sound. "Boring ass couples."_

_After a moment of silence, Loey found herself asking, "Hey, Donghyuck, don't you think you jump around from girl to girl a little too much?"_

_"What does that mean?" Rather than offended, he sounded confused._

_"I mean, what if you missed your soulmate already?" she asked. "What if it was one of those girls, but you didn't take her seriously? What if it was someone at the bar or club where you'd picked up one of the girls in a hurry that you entirely missed her?"_

_"Loey, they're called soulmates for a reason," he said. "You're going to meet that person when the universe allows you to meet. There's really nothing you can do about it."_

_"Doesn't it scare you? Missing a chance with your soulmate," she asked. For the first time in a while, Loey looked down at her inner forearm and actually read the words instead of simply glancing at it._

_**"Save some cake for me, won't you?"** _

_Such a random statement. It pained her to realize that it would probably be just another normal day, not a single thing out of place, not one hint in their minds. And then, this phrase would just pop out of nowhere, and Loey would have to live with the agony of knowing that there would be nothing she could do. That those would be the last words she'd ever hear from her soulmate._

_"I don't think you really miss your chance with your soulmate," he suddenly said. "I think the universe had it all planned from the start. Barely meeting them, meeting them too late, never meeting them_ — _if all of that is planned out, then you never really miss your soulmate."_

_Looking up at the stars, she asked, "You think some people don't get a chance with their soulmate? If so, why give them a soulmate in the first place?"_

_"I guess, in this life, some people just aren't meant to meet."_

_"You think they'll meet in a different life?"_

_"Yeah, I mean... It's not a mix and match. Throughout all lifetimes, I'd like to think that two souls are always meant for each other."_

_"That's... a comforting thought, actually."_

_Suddenly, everyone started counting down around them._

_"5... 4... 3..."_

_Loey jumped up to her feet in surprise, frantically looking around to find Mark. There were too many people now and he was probably having a hard time getting through them. Beside her, she felt Donghyuck get up as well._

_"I don't see him," he said, looking for Mark as well._

_"2... 1..."_

_Fireworks whizzed from the ground and erupted into a fountain of colors, lighting up the dark midnight sky. A chorus of cheers rose up from the audience._

_"Happy New Year!"_

_"Hey, I found him!"_

_Turning in the direction Donghyuck was pointing it, she saw Mark struggling to make his way past the throngs of people. Doing the short version of their handshake, Donghyuck said, "Well, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds to yourselves."_

_With that, Donghyuck left and a breathless Mark stopped in front of Loey._

_"Sorry, I missed the fireworks," he said, trying to catch his breath. "I tried to get back as fast as I could, but there was a long line at the corndog stand and people started stampeding."_

_Loey giggled and glanced at her phone screen. "Well, it's still 12:00."_

_With that, she pushed herself up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Mark's lips. She didn't know if he was her soulmate or not, but she was not about to waste a single moment with him. If today was all they had, then she would love him until today._

* * *

It took her 20 minutes to finish that last piece of red velvet cake.

If she had waited any longer, it would have gone stale. She chewed slowly, deliberately, as if she had all the time in the world. She wasn't sure if she did.

* * *

_Loey didn't know what to focus on first._

_The beauty of the beach. The feeling of sand beneath her feet. Her happiness at finally having graduated yesterday. The fact that Mark was down on one knee. The diamond ring in his hands. Their entire families standing in the distance, watching them with happy smiles._

_It took her so long to answer that nature responded first. A large wave toppled Mark over, making her rush to his side in concern. "Mark!"_

_Upon regaining his balance, Mark started to scramble in the sand, desperately grasping for something. "Shit, shit, shit!"_

_"Mark, what are you doing?"_

_"Shit, I think I lost the ring!" he answered, still frantically searching for it._

_"Mark," she spoke softly. Then, more firmly. "Mark!"_

_Turning to her, Mark saw her smiling softly at him, her eyes shining with tears that were just about to fall. "You haven't asked me yet."_

_"I don't have the ring..."_

_"What makes you think I need a ring to change my answer?"_

_Mark's shocked eyes turned into softer ones, sparkling like the stars in the night. Finally, he spoke in a soft whisper, "Will you marry me, Loey?"_

_"Of course I will."_

_At that, Loey threw herself into Mark's arms, both of them laughing and crying as their families clapped and cheering behind them._

_"That ring was expensive, though."_

_He chuckled as Loey hit his arm lightly._

* * *

She left a tip on the wooden table and exited the coffee shop.

Once again, she resumed her walk towards their meeting place. Her steps were deliberately short and slow. The day felt like it would never end, and she sighed deeply to rid herself of the dread settling in her stomach. In the distance, she could see their meeting place, becoming clearer and closer.

Perhaps it was time to stop prolonging the inevitable.

* * *

_If the sun were to explode, we wouldn't even know about it for 8 minutes and 20 seconds._

_Loey and Mark sat at the airport. They sat with their hands together, fiddling nervously and even a bit sadly. Mark placed a hand over hers and their eyes met. A sigh escaped him._

_"You really need to leave?"_

_Donghyuck chuckled. "You make it seem like I'm never coming back."_

_"Hyuck, it's our wedding on Saturday," Mark said, squeezing Loey's hand softly. "I need you there to be my best man. Come on, you can't reschedule?"_

_"Unfortunately, I don't have control over my job interview."_

_Loey reassuringly squeezed Mark's hand back and smiled at Donghyuck. "Hey, we're happy for you. We really are. This is such a great opportunity for you. We're a bit sad about it, though. We really hoped you of all people could've made it to our wedding."_

_"Yeah, and I'm really sorry about this, too," Donghyuck said._

_As a voice on the speakers announced the departure of Donghyuck's flight to New York, he held a hand out to Mark and wiggled his fingers. Sighing, Mark conceded and did their handshake. By the end of it, a goofy smile appeared on Mark's face and he hit Donghyuck's back._

_"You better get that job."_

_Grinning, Donghyuck winked at them and shot two-fingered salute. "You bet."_

_Gathering his things, he gave Mark a hug. They stood for a while, patting each other's backs. Donghyuck said, "Congrats, man. I'm happy for you."_

_Pulling away from Mark, Donghyuck smiled at Loey and wrapped her in a warm embrace. Loey closed her eyes into the hug, chuckling as Donghyuck swayed her from side to side. "Hey, don't throw up at the wedding, okay?"_

_Laughing, Loey said, "I wouldn't dream of it."_

_Suddenly, Donghyuck stopped abruptly. Loey felt his hands tighten around her. Before she could ask what was wrong, his grip on her loosened. Reaching into his pocket, he took out a sunflower hair clip and handed it to her. "Think of it as a wedding present."_

_Stepping back, he winked at her and said, "Save some cake for me, won't you?"_

_Loey felt her heart freefall into her stomach. She simply stood there, unable to process what had just happened. For some reason, she felt a searing pain in her inner forearm. As Donghyuck had disappeared from their sight, tears began to fall from her eyes. She could sense Mark panicking beside her, trying to figure out what was wrong and calm her down._

_8 minutes and 20 seconds._

_That was exactly how long it took Loey to realize that her soulmate had just slipped right through her fingers._

_She only had him until today._

* * *

_**"** _ _**Plane bound for New York crashes due to mechanical defects. Authorities report no survivors."** _

* * *

She walked through a gravel path winding through sprawling green fields with several stones jutting out of it. Finally, she reached one such stone. It was relatively kept, with only a light layer of dust covering its face. Wiping it with her bare hands, she read the epitaph.

_For Donghyuck, who shone like the sun._

Placing the bouquet of sunflowers in front of his grave, Loey crossed her legs and sat in front of it. Looking around, she saw a few people with their families and several kids running around. A smile formed on her face. For someone who used to enjoy rowdy parties, she was happy that he was now in such a peaceful place.

"Hey, Donghyuck. It's been two years since the accident.

"Remember how we talked about soulmates? I asked you if you were afraid of missing your soulmate, and you said some people just aren't meant to meet in certain lifetimes. I guess we just weren't meant to end up together here, huh?

"You must've known before I did. You must've heard the words on your arm before you even said your last words to me."

Her heart ached. Loey knew she loved Mark, and it was evidenced by the wedding ring on her finger. They postponed their wedding after the accident as she and Mark were both mourning over Donghyuck's death. She had never told Mark that she was mourning more than the death of a friend; she was mourning the loss of the other half of her soul.

"I wonder... if you lived a little bit longer... would we have eventually ended up together? Probably not... Even if Mark and I did end up apart, you would never take a chance on your best friend's ex-wife, would you?"

Sighing, she said in a gentle, wistful tone, "I guess not in this life, soulmate."

Softly reaching out, she caressed the gravestone with her fingers. If she had known that she only had until that day with Donghyuck, would things have been different?

She remembered his eyes. The way they melted into eclipses when the sunlight hit them, and the way they reminded her of milk chocolate. It was crazy how his eyes differed from Mark, who also had brown eyes but a darker shade, dark enough to make it seem like the night sky with all the stars in it.

"Sorry it took me so long to visit," she said. "Every time I tried, it would just hurt so much."

A thousand moments that she had taken for granted only because she had assumed there would be a thousand more. She thought loving unapologetically would be enough. And maybe to some extent, it was. But she could never get rid of the feeling that she was somehow incomplete.

However, life goes on — even without your soulmate.

Loey liked to think that she and Donghyuck had ended up together in so many lifetimes that the universe had decided to let them grow apart. To give them a break from each other. So that the next time their souls met, they would be carrying more wisdom and experience — wisdom and experience that they would never acquire if they kept falling in love with each other over and over and over again.

Because of that, she didn't feel particularly sad about not being able to end up with her soulmate, though she mourned his loss. But she knew that there would be a thousand and one lifetimes more, and she took comfort in the fact that she might meet him in another one, fall in love with him, and live a life where their souls were allowed to complete each other.

But there's something so magical about two souls always meeting because Loey was pretty sure she had always fallen in love with Donghyuck's sunlit eyes and bright smile. Perhaps she just never really realized it in its entirety, but it was always there in her subconscious.

Every day, a new fear overcame her. The fear of Mark meeting his soulmate someday and that they would end up together, leaving her all alone. Many times, she thought of telling Mark. She didn't want him to end up wasting his life with her, someone who wasn't his soulmate, and end up regretting it.

But eventually, she came to the decision to trust the universe. Donghyuck had told her that the universe had everything planned out. So, she decided to trust that. To trust _him_.

Standing up, she dusted off her pants and smiled softly at the gravestone.

"See you in another life, Donghyuck."

**Author's Note:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/alileely) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/alileely)
> 
> **Note: _Kwek-kwek_ and _isaw_ are Filipino street foods.**
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed. Your kudos, comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms are always, _always_ appreciated!!!
> 
> Sending u hugs ♡


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